Tips for Staying Calm While Talking About Money with Family

We’ve all heard jokes about tense family conversations at Thanksgiving. But let’s face it, the most difficult conversations within families tend to be about money, and those chats can pop up at any time. If the two paths cross at the Thanksgiving table, then you could be forgiven for wanting to disappear into a bag of potato chips until the last guest leaves.

Maybe there’s no reason that money issues should come up at a holiday gathering, but if you’re planning to spend a lot of time with relatives, then some conversations may be out of your control. Worries about holiday spending can provide an even bigger incentive for addressing your concerns with your immediate family before shopping and party planning season arrives. Talking through money matters will help you feel more confident about your family’s future, even if you don’t yet know where your finances are headed.

Consider these six ways get started that require no immediate financial decision-making – just an openness to hearing what someone else has to say:

1. Visualize How You Will Introduce the Topic with Your Family

Whatever the source of your angst over money-related discussions with the spouse, kids or relatives, there is hope. Talking about money – as unpleasant as it may seem – is healthy! It’s probably the most difficult when you’re not in the habit of discussing your spouse’s debt (that you now share with them) or your teenager’s overspending on clothing. But once you’ve accepted that a conversation will happen, focus on how you will take that first step, and envision doing so calmly and peacefully.

2. Write Down Your Main Points – Including the Hard Topics You’d Rather Avoid

The next step you want to take is to write a list of bullet points related to the topic that you want to bring up. Suggesting that your spouse do the same might even help you avoid financial conflict. It’s common for people to skip over the topic that scares them the most. For example, what will happen if your spouse loses his job? Is there an inheritance – or more likely, a debt – that you should be discussing? Don’t let your fear of something with negative implications keep you from bringing it up!

3. Address Any Disagreements Over Shared Household Spending Peacefully

This conversation is a great way to find out if there are any disagreements over the fundamentals, including expenses you weren’t anticipating. Maybe one person was hoping to make a much-needed kitchen renovation or the other thinks you should upgrade your vehicle to avoid more car repairs. Remember, it’s ok to express a money-related fear or desire while being unsure of what step to take next. Once everyone’s voice has been heard, it will be much easier to dive into the remaining budget items.

4. Discuss with Spouse or Partner Your Expectations of a Shared Household Budget

You don’t need every expense set in stone. View your budget as a guardrail that will help guide you as you do your weekly shopping. Sit down with any adults in the home and review the basics together. After fixed costs like rent or mortgage, take a look at less predictable ones. Do you agree on how much groceries should cost each month and who is paying what portion of those items? The same goes with household products, the cost of gas and transportation, and shared educational expenses.

5. Educate Yourself on Any Personal or Shared Debt – and Be Upfront About It

Sometimes our reluctance to discuss something difficult makes the stress build up inside of us until we’re losing sleep at night or distracted at work during the day. Admitting you owe someone money but don’t know what to do about it lets your partner know where you stand. They may even have a surprisingly good suggestion, such as reducing your holiday gift budget so that you can make a partial payment before the end of the year.

6. Be Strategic About Whether (and How) to Involve Kids in Money Matters

Although we are talking about family discussions, whether to include a child is up to the individual for many reasons. Explaining your household budget to a 10-year-old can be a great way to introduce them to the concept of saving a percentage of your wages each month. However, expressing your deepest financial fears may not be appropriate and could even be psychologically damaging.

You may need to divide your conversation in half. Start with your partner or spouse – and then jointly decide what aspects of it are ok to share with other family members. This is a good opportunity to set expectations for kids such as how allowances should be spent and any limitations to your teenager’s spending budget.

Use Illinois Currency Exchanges As a Way to Handle Your Family Finances Responsibly

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